Loss, life & motherhood
For me, Mother’s Day is the only day of the year that sheds a light on the contrariety of my motherhood. It is a constant fluctuation between gratitude and grief. It is simultaneously experiencing moments of pure joy and intense sorrow. It is feeling incredibly lucky for my two earth-side yet longing to be with… Continue reading Mother’s Day
7th March 2018. Just another ordinary day with you safely tucked away. Then it started. The blood. The pain. The trauma. The heartbreak of loosing you began. I knew it within an instant but a little flicker of hope lingered, at least until we knew for sure. “Scan, HCG, let’s see you in a week”“Spontaneous… Continue reading 5 years on
The unfilled stocking An empty chair, One less present that should be there. Two missing footsteps, Your absent grin, Our profound heartache buried deep within. His weeping mother, A broken father, Their fractured smiles are a suit of armour. No first nativity, Too much unknown, Her longing to watch how you’d have grown. It’s different… Continue reading An empty Christmas
Another year, another birthday,Still there is no sound.No presents ripping openNo giggles from the fun.No parties full of dancing,Or gathering around.No last minute dash for things we forgot,No need to shop at all. The silence of your birthday,It really is quite loud.An empty, stark reminder,Of all the things that should have been,A three year old… Continue reading The silent birthday
Today is mental health awareness day and up until 2018 I had always looked at this month from an outsiders point of view. I'd never known what it felt like to struggle with my mental health, up until I had my first miscarriage my life was pretty much plain sailing. In March 2018 that all… Continue reading Mental health and I – Mental health awareness day 2021
It’s just a simple smile. I mean do we ever really think about it when it happens? It appears without warning and leaves just the same and we rarely take a second to acknowledge it. It’s warm, it’s happy and it feels good. It’s something that just comes naturally, we were born to know how.… Continue reading Still I smile
Mum worry is the hardest. It comes hand in and with the overwhelming sensation to protect our children from all of the terrible things that life has to throw. But what happens when we simply can’t? Often life doesn’t pan out how we planned it and there are going to be things that we just… Continue reading When we simply cannot protect them
I just want to be okay. Like really okay, not sometimes okay or nearly okay. Actually okay. I want to mean it when I say that I am. I want this weight to lift from chest. I don’t want to feel it being crushed every second of the day. I want to breathe. Deeply and… Continue reading I guess I’m just not okay.
This is probably going to be controversial and hugely unpopular but I feel like it needs to be addressed.Now everyone discusses the stigma attached to breastfeeding and attempts to abolish societies insane views towards doing it in public and rightly so. What nobody talks about however is the shame and stigma that is also attached… Continue reading My feeding choice does NOT make me inferior!
Everywhere I go people insist on telling me how 'lucky' I am to have one girl and one boy. They say "oh it must be lovely having one of each". Now, when it comes from strangers it doesn't enfuriate me so much. I mean all they see is the two children in front of them,… Continue reading Isn’t lovely having ONE of each?
Searching for the light 