Loss, life & motherhood
It’s just a simple smile. I mean do we ever really think about it when it happens? It appears without warning and leaves just the same and we rarely take a second to acknowledge it. It’s warm, it’s happy and it feels good. It’s something that just comes naturally, we were born to know how.… Continue reading Still I smile
I just want to be okay. Like really okay, not sometimes okay or nearly okay. Actually okay. I want to mean it when I say that I am. I want this weight to lift from chest. I don’t want to feel it being crushed every second of the day. I want to breathe. Deeply and… Continue reading I guess I’m just not okay.
Everywhere I go people insist on telling me how 'lucky' I am to have one girl and one boy. They say "oh it must be lovely having one of each". Now, when it comes from strangers it doesn't enfuriate me so much. I mean all they see is the two children in front of them,… Continue reading Isn’t lovely having ONE of each?
Now its been a little over a year since we recieved Noah's post mortem results and up until I just haven't had the words to write about it. So let me recap a little. We waited 9 months. Yes 9 long and very difficult months until we discovered what was behind our sons death. In… Continue reading Discovering the reason
Dear friend, There isn’t a word that accurately describes how much you and all off your support means to me. You were there through the darkness and never once told me it would be okay, because you knew it just wouldn’t. You stayed even after others ran. You sat with me in my pit and… Continue reading A letter for my best friend
A couple of weeks ago someone reached out to me and asked for some tips on surviving pregnancy after loss and I honestly had no idea what to say. I had obviously survived pregnancy after loss my 6 month old was proof of that, but how? I do not know, honestly I don't. It was… Continue reading Surviving pregnancy after loss
I don't often talk about the miscarriage I had before I fell pregnant with Noah, in fact before Noah died I didn't talk about it at all, I couldn't. I still find it harder to talk about, harder than talking about Noah, for some reason there seems to be more stigma attached to miscarriage, than… Continue reading The M word
So today we received Oliver's school place for September, thankfully we were give our first choice which immediately filled me with joy. My first born is finally going to school, he is reaching that milestone and we were lucky to have the one we picked first. After dropping him off at nursery, I sat down… Continue reading School Admissions Day
Searching for the light 