Loss, life & motherhood
Surprisingly, Mothers day didn't hit me as hard I thought. I spent my day feeling extremely grateful to be given the chance of being a mother, no matter what that motherhood looked liked. I celebrated the fact that I had birthed and loved two children very dearly and it was easy to remain positive. I… Continue reading Mothers day
Dear Midwife, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for cradling my baby when I was still in shock and unable. Thank you for showing him love and caring for him even though he had already gone. Thank you for doing what I couldn't after hearing he had died. Thank you for being… Continue reading To the Midwife at the hospital
I had a very bad day the other day, I spent the most part in bed crying. It got to around 3pm and I realised I had to drag myself out of bed now otherwise I would never get out. Then it hit me, I am at a stage in my grief where I need… Continue reading Choosing life
Having both a living and angel child highlights the difference in motherhood between the two. I have to mother Oliver in a completely different way to Noah, both types are equally as important and I'm learning to embrace them separately. After all they are mine to embrace. With Oliver I am able to shower him… Continue reading Juggling two types of motherhood
Dear Mother Feeding your baby, I saw you, I heard you trying to joke with me about how your baby woke up right before the ending of the film. I saw you try to find a warmth in me, a smile, a laugh anything. And I gave you nothing. I want you to know that… Continue reading To the lady feeding her baby.
The meaning of his name couldn't be more true for our Noah. In order to explain why I have to tell you some things about myself that not many people know, things I don't often talk about. I was always drawn to the name Noah during my pregnancy and now I understand why. I suffered… Continue reading Meaning of Noah
My perfect Angel I found out I was pregnant with Noah in May 2018, he was our rainbow after the storm as I had suffered a miscarriage a few month before. We had a generally straight forward pregnancy aside from the anxiety that comes from a pregnancy after a loss. I was 42+1 weeks when… Continue reading Noah’s Story
This is a phrase that has been playing on my mind lately. When talking about my precious Noah people ask "have you thought about trying again?" or "do you think you will try again?". Now its not the fact they are suggesting having more children that bothers be but its the "try again" part I… Continue reading “Trying Again”
I am completely new to this and if I'm honest not entirely sure if I will ever make this blog public. For now it is going to be my safe place, my place to write how I feel when I feel it. If this blog ever goes public, I suppose introducing myself and explaining my… Continue reading Where to start?
Searching for the light 