Loss, life & motherhood
This is probably going to be controversial and hugely unpopular but I feel like it needs to be addressed.Now everyone discusses the stigma attached to breastfeeding and attempts to abolish societies insane views towards doing it in public and rightly so. What nobody talks about however is the shame and stigma that is also attached… Continue reading My feeding choice does NOT make me inferior!
Everywhere I go people insist on telling me how 'lucky' I am to have one girl and one boy. They say "oh it must be lovely having one of each". Now, when it comes from strangers it doesn't enfuriate me so much. I mean all they see is the two children in front of them,… Continue reading Isn’t lovely having ONE of each?
Now its been a little over a year since we recieved Noah's post mortem results and up until I just haven't had the words to write about it. So let me recap a little. We waited 9 months. Yes 9 long and very difficult months until we discovered what was behind our sons death. In… Continue reading Discovering the reason
Nan, We never got to say goodbye; Not a text, a letter, a conversation or even a funeral. You were here one day, then the next day you were just gone. It was hard to really grasp the concept that you were no longer here since covid withheld us from the traditional grief rituals, it… Continue reading Until we meet again
Dear friend, There isn’t a word that accurately describes how much you and all off your support means to me. You were there through the darkness and never once told me it would be okay, because you knew it just wouldn’t. You stayed even after others ran. You sat with me in my pit and… Continue reading A letter for my best friend
A couple of weeks ago someone reached out to me and asked for some tips on surviving pregnancy after loss and I honestly had no idea what to say. I had obviously survived pregnancy after loss my 6 month old was proof of that, but how? I do not know, honestly I don't. It was… Continue reading Surviving pregnancy after loss
This isn't the childhood I wanted for you. It isn't the path I imagined we would walk together all those years ago. I hoped we'd be happier, I hoped you'd be oblivious to the bad in the world for a little bit longer and I hoped I'd be able to protect you from it. Sadly… Continue reading Dear Sunshine,
Preparing for a new baby is stressful at the best of times but when you have previously prepared for a baby that you didn't get to bring home it is all that much harder. We started some preparations for Noah and Oliver's little sister, albeit much earlier than I had wanted but with the current… Continue reading Preparing for our miracle.
Dear grief, You have only been in my life for a short while but if I'm honest I can't remember what life was like without you. We have become intertwined, I feel you everywhere. Our relationship is complicated to say the least, sometimes I despise you and other times I'm grateful for what you have… Continue reading My love letter to grief
Wrong. Being pregnant again doesn't take away the pain of Noah's death and it definitely doesn't make my grief any easier to live with. A 'rainbow' baby doesn't replace the child that died, there is still and always will be that gaping hole in your heart that longs for your baby in heaven. Pregnancy after… Continue reading You’re pregnant so you must be healed, right?
Searching for the light 