Does it ever get easier?

Birth announcements are tough for bereaved parents, period. Since Noah died I have seen so many of these from people around me, family, friends, colleagues and even now one year later, pregnant with his baby sister, I find myself feeling just as crappy as I did when I saw my first one. So I wonder ‘does it ever get easier?’ Will there ever be a birth announcement that does whip the ground from under my feet and completely stop me in my tracks? Truth is I don’t know the answer to this, I’m not sure anyone really does. Grief is different for everyone but the one constant among the bereft is that it comes in waves, so there will be days when you feel amazing and those where you are just taken straight back to the day your life came crashing down. It sucks but it just something we have to learn to live with.

Even though birth announcements are tough and they may never get easier I think its important to remember that every baby is special and they all deserve to be celebrated. Now that doesn’t mean you have to put your feelings on the back burner, pretend you are happy and celebrate that baby. No, I would never expect nor tell someone to do that, we all have to go at our own pace, it is important to acknowledge your feelings and protect your heart as much as you can. It doesn’t matter if it takes you weeks, months or even years, it is something that is extremely important for our health, jumping in too early can be detrimental to our healing process. So please go at a pace that feels comfortable and remember that it is completely okay to regress and feel like you can’t do today what you could do yesterday. What I do mean is that whilst we take all of this into consideration we need to remind ourselves of how special the gift of life is and just because our babies have died that doesn’t change. Life is always an incredible thing to be cherished and celebrated and I’ve found that remembering this has helped me to hold such a positive outlook even in the most tragic of times.

It’s important to remember that the baby being announced takes absolutely nothing away from your baby, your baby is equally as special and deserves to be celebrated too. A new baby doesn’t lessen the love you have for your child, nor does it lessen their importance in the world, our babies have an impact on everything and that will never change. It can be difficult to feel as important as a mother when your child isn’t around but you must never forget that you are and so is your baby.

So maybe it doesn’t get easier, maybe we just get used to dealing with it and that is something I am learning to accept.